Michael Jackson
Posted on September 27, 2009
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Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys’ pants were half-off.
Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
What’s “black-white” and purple?
Michael Jackson’s dick after a slumber party with a bunch of 6 year olds.
Why was Michael Jackson grounded?
He was “Bad”.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A fridge doesn’t fart after you take your meat out of it!
What were Michael Jackson’s baby’s first words?
Which one’s mommy?
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
What do Michael Jackson and broccoli have in common?
Both are force fed to little boys.
How do we know Michael is guilty?
Several children have fingered him.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a proctologist?
A proctologist doesn’t pay for the assholes he’s poked around in.
I just bought a new car stereo… When you shout out “Soul”, it plays soul music. When you shout out “Rock”, it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted “fucking kids!”, and it played Michael Jackson.
How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date?
There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Heard about Michael Jackson’s new song?
I’m forever blowing Bubbles!
After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.
Why has Michael been appearing on children’s shows lately?
He has a lot to plug.
What’s the first problem the Michael’s child will have in life?
Figuring out which parent is his mother.
What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper?
Michael Jackson’s hand.
Where does Michael Jackson write his songs for the kids?
In his tanning salon.
What’s sex like for Michael?
Child’s Play.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.
What do Michael Jackson and Catholic school nuns have in common?
Both are a pain in the ass to kids.
Michael Jackson…I can’t decide if he’s black or white, male or female, gay or straight?
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
About two dress sizes!
Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
So his guests won’t be accompanied by guardians!
What would you call Michael Jackson if he slept with another 20 or 30 young boys?
Monsigneur.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
He thought it was a delivery service.
What do second place race horses and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both come in a little behind.
What did Michael Jackson say after he was interrupted during sex?
“Shit happens!”
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Because there are twenty of them.
What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night?
Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.
Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect “10″?
Two 5 year olds.
Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his willy?
Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairy Lea!
What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
Who’s happy when Michael Jackson gets a boy to stay over?
Bubbles.
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. – you know in a few years they’ll probably change his name to: The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson’s Baby.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.
What child’s game does Michael NOT allow to be played at his Neverland ranch?
Got your nose! Put it back!
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost?
One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is a supernatural being.
Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.
Have you heard about Michael Jackson’s New Book?
It’s called “The In’s and Out’s of Child Rearing”.
McDonald’s is bringing out a new “Michael Jackson Burger”…It has 35 year old meat inside 5 year old buns.
The new burger at McDonald’s is called the McJackson. It consists of matured beef between two fresh white buns.
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he’d join in.
Why doesn’t Michael sleep with boys anymore?
He’s tired of all the cracks.
Why did Michael Jackson check into the Betty Ford clinic?
To get over his 11 year crack habit.
What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
How do we know Michael Jackson isn’t really a virgin?
He’s got children out the ass.
What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he popped the question?
”Yes, I’ll marry you. But promise me one thing… NO KIDS!”
Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?
A microwave won’t brown your meat!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing jockey?
A jockey can mount three year olds legally.
Why was Michael Jackson late for the circus?
He couldn’t get the stains out of his clown suit.
What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
Got two fives for a ten?
What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
You know, I feel like a new boy!
What was the big break in the Micheal Jackson molestation case?
A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found… a white glove.
Why’s Michael cutting down on public appearances?
He wants to spend more time with the kids.
What’s 6 + 46 + 5?
A threesome with Michael Jackson.
What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
”Boy, that’s a relief. I though she married a black guy!”
Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?
Because he likes the taste of a new generation.
Where is Michael Jackson’s other glove?
In Brooke Shields’ pants.
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite game to play at night?
Hide the pickle in the pajamas.
What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
Both ride 4 year olds.
Why is Michael Jackson’s album new entitled “Bad”?
Because he couldn’t spell “Pathetic”.
If you play Thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing all the names of the boys he touched. That’s why it’s 14 minutes long.
What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
What happens when Michael talks about sex?
It’s all very tongue in cheek.
How will the Government ensure that Michael Jackson gets a thorough body search?
Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
What do Micheal Jackson and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They both pulled out of Jordan.
Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 50?
Yeah, but he still feels like a 10 year old.
What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
Michael Jackson.
What’s Michael’s favorite Canadian TV show?
The Kids in the Hall.
A young boy asks his Priest if God is a man or a woman.
The Priest decides to tease the boy and answers that God is both.
The boy then asks if God is black or white. Again the answer is both.
Next question, is God gay or straight. Once more the answer is both.
The boy then asks “Father, is Michael Jackson God?”
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
Acne doesn’t come on your face until you’re about fifteen.
Why does Micheal Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?
He likes to come in a little behind.
How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
Pizza and Nintendo.
Who was the unmanned recon airplane the Predator named for?
A: Michael Jackson.
What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A Michael Jackson slumber party.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at the Jackson residence?
When the big hand touches the little hand…
What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
They both like a little crack now and then.
Have you seen the new Michael Jackson candy bar?
It’s white chocolate with no nuts…. (but the kids like it).
From David Letterman…
Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe
1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable.
2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ‘Captain EO’.
3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son.
4. Could really walk on moons.
5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith.
6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of ‘Beat It’.
7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had.
8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic.
9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet
10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly.
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