Mexican Jokes
Posted on March 17, 2009
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Why did the Mexicans send 2,000 men to the Alamo?
They only had four cars.
Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive with handcuffs on.
Why do Mexicans have re-fried beans?
Have you ever heard of a Mexican doing anything right the first time?
Why did the Mexicans fight so hard at the Alamo?
It gave them four clean walls to write on!
Why do Mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?
Because they come with birth certificates.
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?
I don’t know but it sure can pick lettuce.
Why do Mexicans drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.
How come there aren’t any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don’t work in the future, either.
Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.
Why don’t Mexicans have barbeques?
The beans keep falling through the grill.
What do you call a Mexican who marries your sister?
A Spaniard.
Why don’t Mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Did you hear about the Mexican firefighter?
They can’t tell Jose from hose B.
Ethnic Jokes – Various
Posted on March 17, 2009
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What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won’t do.
There is a black man and a Puerto Rican in a car, who’s driving?
The cop.
What do you call a black-midget in Ireland?
A lepra-coon.
Why didn’t the black man want to marry his Mexican girlfriend?
He didn’t want his kids to grow up to be too lazy to steal.
A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
Who cares.
A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?
The spic, because the nigger had to stop on the way down and spray paint “motherfucker” on the wall.
Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
It’s called Nacho Mama.
Handicapped Jokes
Posted on March 17, 2009
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Bumper Sticker: Hire the handicapped, they’re fun to watch.
Bumper Sticker: If it wasn’t for the handicapped, we’d never find good parking places.
Lisping Midgets
The owner of a horse farm gets a call from a friend, who tells him that he has a friend who is a midget with a speech impediment, and who wants to buy a horse, so he was sending him over.
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
“A female horth”, the midget replies. The owner shows him one.
“Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” asks the midget.
The owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.
“Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” asks the midget.
The owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes.
“OK, what about the eerth?” inquires the midget.
By now, the owner is getting a little irritated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.
“OK, finally, can I see her twat?”
With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s twat, then pulls him out and sets him on the ground.
Shaking his head, the midget says, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”
Irish Jokes
Posted on March 17, 2009
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Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Well, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?”
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse. “Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead!” said Murphy’s wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” said Gallagher.
What’s the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wake?
One less drunken Irishman.
What’s an Irish seven course meal?
A six-pack and a boiled potato.
Did you hear about the two Irish gays?
Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.
Chinese Jokes
Posted on March 17, 2009
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What do you call 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup?
Won-Ton.
Why did the Romans make straight roads?
So Asians couldn’t build corner shops!
How can you tell your house has been burgled by a Chinaman?
Your kids homework is done, the dog is missing, and the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway!
How do you blindfold a chink?
Use dental floss.
How do you blind a Chinaman?
You put a windshield in front of him.
Why is a Chinaman like a computer?
They both only see bits!
What do you call a Chinaman with one testicle?
Whatwentwong.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw silverware down the stairs and name them after the sounds they hear.
Have you heard about the Chinese retard?
Her parents named her Sum Ting Wong.
Supplies!
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”
To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”
And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.”
He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.”
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”
The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”
The Scotsman replies, “Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin’ him either.”
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy …Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells…
“SUPPLIES!!”
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